Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
