So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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