i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
