fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
