seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
