now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
