if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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