Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize