idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize