Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
