oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Someone came in the potted fern
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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