TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
