She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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