I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
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You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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