I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
