i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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