She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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