Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
