Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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