Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
