Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
