i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
