Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS