Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sorry my hands just texted you
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
