What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize