dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
