return my video game
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
