pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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