you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
