Will you blow on my dice?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
