You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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