I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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