Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
