you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I have demons in me.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
