Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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