thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
