Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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