just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad