so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS