ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
How external is "for external use only"?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
