Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
