She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
