my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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