Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize