Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
