hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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