All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
