Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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