Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
