too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You left your phone here
Wait...
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