put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
