One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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