there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
