Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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