All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
