I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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