i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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