one two three fourrrrnication!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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