I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
