Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
