I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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