Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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