She went from zero to smokin in five shots
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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