i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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