My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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