I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
