Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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