I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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