We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Send help, water and tortillas.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
