You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
