Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
