Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
