I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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