im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.