Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  wakey wakey hands off snakey

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  (412): wakey wakey hands off snakey http://tfl.nu/v0if
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  (310): View more from California

  first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona

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  (310): first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona http://tfl.nu/f4h4
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?

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  (205): he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy? http://tfl.nu/nikx
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.

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  (412): woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered. http://tfl.nu/z2cy
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  (516): View more from New York

  you left your dildo in my car

  (516): View more from New York

  rules of finders keepers apply

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  (516): you left your dildo in my car (516): rules of finders keepers apply http://tfl.nu/0377
  Replies (20) Good night (3437) Bad night (1218)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self

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  (336): i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self http://tfl.nu/v0ky
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life

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  (302): Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life http://tfl.nu/pzmw
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  (904): View more from Florida

  she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...

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  (904): she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room... http://tfl.nu/wehm
  Replies (8) Good night (3077) Bad night (1046)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.

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  (215): I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done. (1-215): I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together. http://tfl.nu/q0m2
  Replies (19) Good night (4656) Bad night (806)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!

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  (352): Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!! http://tfl.nu/bmaq
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  So all in all, a good night.

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  (717): You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young. (1-717): So all in all, a good night. http://tfl.nu/c215
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.

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  (202): I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects. http://tfl.nu/vyxz
  Replies (2) Good night (636) Bad night (226) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.

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  (815): You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger. http://tfl.nu/j7zd
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.

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  (515): I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion. http://tfl.nu/z0x4
  Replies (2) Good night (679) Bad night (164)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister

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  (605): You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister http://tfl.nu/xlrp
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