tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.