Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.