He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.