last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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