I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
