I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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