I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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