Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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