I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
