Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof

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  (757): So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof http://tfl.nu/xt5p
  Replies (4) Good night (3857) Bad night (856)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.

  (406): View more from Montana

  IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.

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  (509): Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober. (406): IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out. http://tfl.nu/sia4
  Replies (10) Good night (1099) Bad night (3993)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  drunk me is so punny.

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  (803): so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life. (843): drunk me is so punny. http://tfl.nu/qdzv
  Replies (19) Good night (8778) Bad night (1000)
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  (310): View more from California

  it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined

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  (310): it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined http://tfl.nu/11oi
  Replies (15) Good night (8500) Bad night (780)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.

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  (865): I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this. http://tfl.nu/mix4
  Replies (15) Good night (5212) Bad night (833)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.

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  (203): I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore. http://tfl.nu/i7wi
  Replies (19) Good night (3808) Bad night (1101)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...

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  (+44): The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad... http://tfl.nu/0y4t
  Replies (5) Good night (759) Bad night (2060)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.

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  (801): First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up. http://tfl.nu/q6w0
  Replies (8) Good night (2936) Bad night (950)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.

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  (832): He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like. http://tfl.nu/ukkd
  Replies (21) Good night (3767) Bad night (984)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity

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  (240): Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity http://tfl.nu/y6wz
  Replies (4) Good night (1043) Bad night (649)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat

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  (214): Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat http://tfl.nu/vn00
  Replies (3) Good night (657) Bad night (350)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.

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  (717): I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets. http://tfl.nu/qvke
  Replies (9) Good night (1769) Bad night (418)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station

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  (802): Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station http://tfl.nu/2mxj
  Replies (10) Good night (588) Bad night (257)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.

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  (704): Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls. http://tfl.nu/ygpr
  Replies (1) Good night (363) Bad night (282)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.

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  (631): Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on. http://tfl.nu/pysj
  Replies (3) Good night (497) Bad night (273)

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