Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂