I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams