You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever