how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right