so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
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new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
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she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.