You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
