If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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