Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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